I barely got any sleep the night before, bags under my eyes were evidence of that. On my way to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, I passed my mother. She commented on how happy I looked. There was no way to mask my excitement. The event of the night prior had me glowing. I was on cloud nine. John Paulus-Aiken had a ring to it.
I returned to my room, sipping my coffee. Over and over again I kept checking my email hoping to see a message from Clay. I found myself quickly becoming hostage to my computer. I was paralyzed by it- unable to leave it for just one moment for fear I would miss Clay.
As the hours passed and no email from him, I became more desperate. I needed to learn everything about him. I scoured the Internet for any information I could find on him. I played his songs. Downloaded his videos. I read articles. I was quickly becoming infatuated with the man. Could I be finding myself falling in love? How could this be. I mean I had only seen on television and up until the day before had only briefly spoken with on the telephone.
No longer wanting to be shackled to my computer, I convinced myself that I had to break away, if only briefly. I headed to the gym. There, I could sculpt my body and draw some attention away from the fact that I was a man in my late 30′s. For the next few days, I exercised and dieted- practically starving myself.
Clay had absorbed my thoughts from the moment I awoke to the moment I closed my eyes. Even in my dreams, I managed to make him a part of my life. As the days passed and I had not heard from him, my euphoria was replaced with depression. Had he found someone else? Someone younger? Someone…someone more deserving of his love? I could not take the thought. I quickly wrote an email, sharing how I felt- how I would honor and respect and… I deleted it. Over and over again, I would begin an email and delete. I couldn’t risk coming across as desperate. I didn’t want to lose him. Finally, I settled on writing a “quick hello” and “how are you” email. Maybe this would trigger his memory of me in case he had already forgotten me.
Another day had passed and just as I had given up hope of ever hearing from him again- an email. ”Thought I drop you a line to say hello and that I had not forgotten about you”, he wrote. ”still wanna meet”, he continued. I sprung from chair nearly hitting my head on the ceiling fan unable to read the rest of the email. Depressed? What depression? I was on a Clay high. My man had emailed me and what’s more he STILL wanted to meet me. There was no one else. He was still mine and only mine.
I pulled myself off the ceiling and sat back down to read the rest of the email; my smile as wide as the room. ”just been a HECTIC week”, he wrote. An awwwww look filled my face. ”A hectic week and he still thought to write to me”, I thought. ”Our star actor fell sick and we have done the last three shows without him”, he shared. ”Please don’t get sick, Clay”, I said aloud as I put my elbows on the desk, drawing myself closer to my monitor. ”In Charlotte tonight”, the email read. ”Wait! He’s in Charlotte”, my mind started racing. I wondered if I should surprise him by showing up. Would his fans wonder who I was if they spotted him inviting me backstage? No, maybe that wouldn’t be a good idea.
Back and forth I wrestled with driving to Charlotte to see him. Finally, I decided I would. I could longer deny myself the oppoturnity to see in live and in person. I just could not wait. I searched online to see at what time the concert began… and then there it was, “Moonlight Theater at the RBC Theater in Raleigh”. ”What? He would be here in Raleigh TOMORROW”. I felt my breaths getting shorter. I couldn’t contain my excitement. More thoughts went through my head; would he call later tonight or would he send an email surprising me with an invite to watch him perform in Raleigh, I wondered. Maybe I should surprise him by simply showing up. Would it matter if his fans wondered who I was? After all, soon I would be John Paulus-Aiken.
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